By Brett Kaufman. 8 years using relationships to build sales pipelines, from political fundraising to a 7 figure business to running matchmaking for two communities. Over 1,000 introductions facilitated.

Ask each side privately before you connect them, in one short text that says who, why now, and makes no easy to say. Only when both say yes do you send the intro, and when one says no, the other side never has to know.

Here is the scene. A searcher you met last month just signed an LOI on a landscaping company and needs SBA debt with a seller note. You know a lender who does exactly that. The fast move is to cc them both tonight. Now the lender has a cold thread from a buyer she cannot screen. She either takes a call she does not want or ignores someone you vouched for. Your name is on it either way.

Why I ask first, every time

I have facilitated over 1,000 introductions between deal makers, operators and investors, and I run matchmaking for two communities. At that volume, the cold cc is not an option. The format I use has to be short enough to send from my phone in under a minute, and it has to protect both sides.

The format has a name because Fred Wilson gave it one. In a 2009 post on AVC, he asked that anyone introducing two strangers first get each of them to agree to the introduction before making it. His reason was simple. Unasked intros pushed him into meetings he did not want, which made him “less available to meet with people I do want to meet.”

That is every lender, investor, owner and broker you know. They are the side with more to lose, and they get asked constantly. When you ask first, three things change:

1. Your yes rate becomes your credibility. The lender who has said yes to your last four asks will take the fifth on your word.
2. A no costs nothing. No awkward thread, no ghosted buyer, no one wondering why you set them up.
3. The intro arrives warm on both ends. Each side already said they want it, so the first call starts with intent instead of politeness.

The ask: one text to each side

Every ask has four parts: who they are in one line, why you thought of them now, what the ask is, and an easy no. Forty words is plenty.

Ask the side with more to lose first. If they say no, you never have to raise the other side’s hopes.

Quick one. [Name] runs a [industry] company doing about [revenue] and is starting to think about what is next. I think you two should talk. Open to an intro? Totally fine if the timing is off.

That is 37 words. No paragraph of background, no attachment. If they want more, they will ask, and that question is itself a yes signal.

The “why now” is the part most people skip. “You should meet” is weak. “She just signed an LOI” or “he said at dinner Tuesday he wants one more add on this year” is a reason with a date on it. If the reason is six months old, check it before you send.

Once both say yes: the intro

Now you send the intro. Two lines of context and one line that says who moves next.

[Name], meet [Name]. [Name] is [one line on what they do and why it matters to the other]. [Name] is [same]. You both said yes, so I will get out of the way. [Name], you grab the time?

Assigning who moves next is the difference between an intro and a thread that dies on day two. Pick the side with more to gain. They will chase.

Ask by text. Send the intro by group text for a quick call, or by email when there are documents, a deal team or an assistant involved.

Then log it: both names, the date, the one line why. About 30 days later, ask each side one question: “Did you two end up talking?” That is the habit behind tracking introductions and referrals like a balance sheet instead of a memory.

When one side says no

This is where the double opt in earns its keep.

Do not send the intro anyway. Not even a softened version.

Do not pass along the reason. “She said your deal is too small” helps no one and burns her trust in you. Tell the asking side something short and true:

Checked on that one, and the timing is not right on their side. I will keep an eye out for a better fit and come back to you.

Offer the next best option if you have one.

Log the no with the date. The fastest way to lose a yes person is to ask them about the same buyer again in three weeks because you forgot.

Silence counts too. If a week passes, one short bump. After that, treat it as a no and move on.

Three templates for deal situations

Buyer to lender

Ask the lender first.

Quick one. A searcher I know has an LOI on a [industry] business around [deal size] and needs SBA debt with a seller note. Thought of you first. Open to a 15 minute call? Easy no.

Then the buyer:

I know an SBA lender who does [industry] deals with seller notes. Want me to see if she will take a call this week?

Owner to buyer

Ask the owner first. They have the most to lose, and confidentiality matters more than speed.

No pressure on this. You mentioned maybe selling in a couple of years. I know an operator buying [industry] businesses who keeps the team in place. Want a quiet coffee with him? Nothing formal, and nobody else hears about it.

Then the buyer:

I know an owner in [industry] who might sell in the next couple of years. Not on the market. Want me to ask if she would grab coffee? Keep it low key if she does.

If a fee is on the table for this one, agree to it in writing before the intro, and check whether your state treats it as business brokerage. The rules are in the finder’s fee for business introduction guide.

Investor to searcher

Ask the investor first.

I met a searcher at [event] last week. [Background], targeting [industry], raising for a traditional search. Want the one pager before I connect you? Easy pass if search is not your focus right now.

Then the searcher:

An investor I know backs searchers. Before I ask her, send me your one pager and two lines on your thesis. I want her yes to be real.

The intro, once both agree:

[Investor], meet [Searcher]. [Searcher] is raising for a search in [industry], one pager attached. [Investor] has backed searchers and wants a look. [Searcher], you send times.

Where the double opt in breaks

The format is not the hard part. Volume is.

You send the lender ask Monday. She says yes Wednesday while you are at a conference. By Friday the buyer found a lender on his own, and you started an intro you never finished. Both sides remember you asked.

When you make intros for a community, that happens every week unless something holds the open asks, the yeses waiting on the second side, and the noes you should not repeat, and puts them in front of you before they go stale.

The system that holds the open intros

That is a big part of why I built FRONT OF MIND. It runs inside your 10 minutes for today. Intros to make this week show up with dated proof on both sides, so you know the reason is current before you ask. Each ask comes as a drafted text style message, 40 words max, in your voice. Nothing sends without your tap, and it learns from your edits.

After dinner, say a name and a sentence out loud, “promised the HVAC buyer an intro to the SBA lender,” and it is filed under the event. When one side says no, ask Liala “who do I know that is an SBA lender” and get the right people with why.

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